The Psychology of Arousal: 3 Steps To Help Clients Discover Their ‘Hottest Sexual Movie’
Whether you want to experience your own personal growth around sex, or help your clients do so, it is essential to understand the psychology of arousal… namely, what makes you and the people around you tick when it comes to sex.
We find that one of the best ways to think about what turns people on is the idea of a “Hottest Sexual Movie” — and we aren’t talking about what’s playing at a theater near you.
What Does The Psychology of Arousal Have To Do With Movies?
Hottest Sexual Movie is a term we use here at the Somatica Institute to describe the psychology of arousal. More specifically – the images and ideas a person has when they are envisioning what they want sex to be. And what kinds of experiences they want to play out in their erotic lives to fulfill their Core Desires (the feelings they want to have during sex). While core desires are what people want to feel in the bedroom, a Hottest Sexual Movie is what they want to do (and have done to them) to create those feelings.
Most people have a deep longing to fulfill particular emotional needs during sex. They may have many Hottest Sexual Movies that bring them maximum arousal and intensity. Although the characters, actions, and settings may change, the themes of a Hottest Sexual Movie generally stay the same.
How Can Hottest Sexual Movies Help Sex and Relationship Coaches?
People often try to suppress their fantasies out of embarrassment, shame, or fear that they will not be able to make them a reality. As a sex and relationship coach, your job is to understand the psychology of arousal. You should encourage your clients to fully explore and flesh out their fantasies so they can experience a more fulfilling and exciting sex life.
3 Steps for Helping Your Clients Understand Their Psychology of Arousal
Finding and articulating a Hottest Sexual Movie to understand the psychology of arousal involves three steps. (We recommend practitioners go through the process themselves before taking clients through them.)
1. Guide Them in Becoming Self-Detectives
Many people look for answers about what “should” turn them on from professionals, friends, or pop culture. Becoming a self-detective however gives them much better insight into their own unique psychology of arousal.
Before guiding a client through the self-detective process, begin with an attitude of curiosity and non-judgment. If any thoughts bring up feelings of shame or guilt, start by seeing them as just desires, not actions. Remind your clients that as long as any enactment is between consenting adults, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Once they are in a non-judgmental place, have them dig into their fantasies. Whether they are overtly sexual or not is unimportant. Instead, direct them to pay attention to what they think of when they drift off to sleep. What are their daydreams about? What thoughts turn them on?
Next, they should consider the books, erotic stories, movies, porn, or personal experiences that have aroused them the most. They might be romantic, full of passion and intrigue, or kinky. Get them to think of the scenes (and the moments in those scenes!) that are the real zingers.
2. Identify the Underlying Feeling(s) Clients Want to Have
As you explore the data you’ve gathered, try to identify the feelings your client has expressed to you. These feelings are their Core Desires. See which ones seem most relevant and exciting. Does your client enjoy feeling … powerful, taken, degraded, surprised, in danger, cared for, precious, teased, indulgent, loved, denied, adored, seen, desired, powerless, known, punished, or accepted? All of these play a deep role in their personal psychology of arousal.
If their Hottest Sexual Movie involves sex in public places, they might be fulfilling the Core Desire of being so desirable that their partner would come on to them anywhere. Wanting to be seen (exhibitionism) or wanting to be in danger (of being caught) might also be a fantasy.
Alternatively, if their Hottest Sexual Movie is their partner surprising them with a five-course dinner at their favorite fancy restaurant, their Core Desire might be feeling cared for (they planned it) or understood (they knew it was your favorite restaurant). Or it could be a fantasy of indulgence (five-course and fancy) or surprise. Make a list of the feelings that seem to be most linked to their arousal.
3. Write Down Those Hottest Sexual Movie Scenes
It’s one thing to fantasize about your Hottest Sexual Movie – but to implement it in your clients’ lives, you’ll need to take it one step further. Now that you’re familiar with the psychology of arousal and what turns them on, have them start writing their very own Hottest Sexual Movie scenes that invoke similar feelings of arousal.
Ask them:
- What do you want to share in bed with your partner? For example, what would you like to say to them or have them say to you? How do you want your partner to look at you, talk to you, or touch you?
- Where do you want the action to take place? What is the setting or atmosphere?
- What do you want to keep in your back pocket to fantasize about here and there during sex to give you that extra bump in arousal? (Yes, we believe it’s normal to have your own fantasies running while being intimate with your partner.)
- How would you like your Hottest Sexual Movie to start or end?
Level Up Your Professional Toolkit With the Somatica Method
Guiding your clients through their Hottest Sexual Movies and Core Desires is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to unlocking greater pleasure in the bedroom.
As an experiential framework for growth and transformation, the Somatica Method offers sex and relationship coaches powerful tools for helping clients break free from the constraint of realizing their full erotic potential.
Test the waters by joining us for a free live Q&A session, or find an experienced Somatica coach to show you the ropes around the psychology of arousal.
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