What is a Sex Coach?
By Danielle Harel | Updated: October 18, 2023
A sex coach is a trained professional who guides and educates you around issues related to sex, intimacy, and relationships. They help you solve problems such as sexless marriage, low libido, and sexual dysfunction, and teach you to fully achieve your erotic potential.
Unlike sex therapy, which focuses on resolving past traumas or dysfunctions, sex coaching provides actionable tools to overcome sexual roadblocks. Sex coaches can offer a range of unique benefits to their clients – from helping them become more accepting of their deepest desires, to understanding boundaries, and learning seduction tools.
So what is a sex coaching session like, exactly? How do you choose the right coach? And – how do you get into the lucrative field of becoming a sex coach yourself? Read on to find out.
What Does a Sex Coach Do?
We seek out coaches to help us improve every aspect of our lives: health, fitness, business and finance. So, why wouldn’t we also seek a coach to help us create the erotic life we’ve always craved?
Given the importance intimacy plays in our wellbeing, issues preventing us from experiencing a fulfilling sex life must be addressed swiftly. But talking through these problems with friends – or therapists who aren’t trained in the realm of sexuality – can be embarrassing and counterproductive.
As professionals equipped with specialized tools and knowledge, sex coaches can help us overcome difficulties and enhance sexual satisfaction.
Here’s what happens in a typical office or Zoom visit with a sex coach:
The coach will listen to your experiences and feelings around the sexual issues you are having.
They will ask you questions about the history of the problem, and find out all the information they need to help you.
Depending on the specific approach they embrace as a coach (more on that below), they will talk with you about ways to address the problem. They might suggest videos or homework to watch. Practice tools in session could include breathwork, movement, self-touch, learning touch skills, and communication tools. And, always, they will help you move through shame and become more empowered around your sexual issues.
Once you have done your homework or practiced in the office, you will check in with your progress. You’ll communicate what you’ve learned, and how you are feeling about the issue now.
Lastly, your coach will talk you through how you can further implement these changes into your life.
What is the Difference Between a Sex Coach and a Sex Therapist?
While sex therapy can involve diving into childhood wounds with lingering effects on your adult life, sex coaching focuses on actionable tools and exercises to help you overcome your erotic roadblocks. That’s why sex therapy is often helpful to those with unresolved trauma or higher levels of dysfunction.
Unlike therapists who must obtain a higher degree in psychotherapy, theology, social work, or medicine, a sex coach can begin working with clients after completing a training program.
Read our article on the key differences between becoming a sex therapist or a sex coach.
If you are a therapist looking to expand your skills in the realm of relationships and sex, check out our Somatica for licensed professionals training.
Why Work With a Sex Coach?
Society tells us that we’re supposed to innately know how to have sex. Yet while the desire is natural, the skills to become a great lover don’t always come naturally. Talking about sex or giving explicit instruction remains taboo in our culture. Which really means people lack opportunities to learn how to have satisfying sex. And only few are lucky enough to have a partner to guide them.
Unfortunately, most people don’t give good feedback, so many people end up not knowing what makes for great sex. This is where working with a good sex coach can be helpful. Sex is learnable and teachable. The best way to learn about it is to get feedback from an experienced, non-judgmental and cheer-leading person.
For most people, hiring a sex coach will be the only way they can get real world accurate instruction on how to be a better lover. Not only do they understand both the physiology and psychology of sex, they are also able to provide real-time feedback and instruction.
What Are the Benefits of Hiring a Sex Coach?
A sex coach teaches their clients how to become better and more receptive lovers by helping them:
Become aware of and overcome shame about their desires and fantasies
Address the biggest issues plaguing women in the sexual realm: low libido and loss of sex drive, often triggered by a lack of emotional intimacy, resentment and loss of attraction, trauma, stress, painful sex, poor body image, and medications
Learn how to relax into receiving and enjoying sex and pleasure
Overcome various sexual dysfunctions including erectile dysfunction (ED) premature ejaculation (PE), delayed ejaculation, anorgasmia and pelvic pain
Help people understand the 3 dimensions of sex, and identify their preferences
Increase communication skills to talk with partners about physical and psychological desires
Practice with consent skills
Understand, listen to, and express boundaries
Learn seduction and foreplay skills including sexy talk, sensual touch, and how to bring erotic energy
Address differences in amounts or types of desire in a partnership
Heal from sexual trauma, abuse, or violation
Learn to communicate, engage in safer sex practices, and lower shame around sexually transmitted infections
Embrace their sexual or gender identity
Practice with dating skills and learn about online dating
Bringing sexual and spiritual practices together with tools like Tantra and Taoism
Address fears around sex and porn addiction
Deal with the issues that might come about around sex and aging
Negotiate open relationships and creating the right relationship structure for both partners
Explore and lower shame around kink, BDSM, fetishes and other alternative sexual practices
What Happens in a Sex Coaching Session? Does it Involve Actual Sex?
Whether you’re interested in hiring a sex coach, or exploring it as a new career – it’s important to know exactly what to expect from a sex coaching session.
First off – it’s vital to know that sex coaching does not involve sex. Practitioners always keep their clothes on. (The only professionals legally allowed to have sex with clients are sexual surrogates – and you must be in treatment with a sex therapist to see a surrogate legally.)
That being said, experiential sex coaches can use hands-on methods to teach sexual skills. They can also practice certain types of touch and seduction, within legal boundaries. For example, a Somatica coach can teach arousing types of touch for the body, physical disinhibition, and passionate touch.
The 3 Types of Sex Coaching
Depending on your personality, interests, and tolerance of boundaries, you may be drawn to one of these three different categories of sex coaching: talk-based, experiential, and hands-on.
All three involve the coach identifying the client’s goals, exploring potential approaches, creating a plan, offering emotional support and suggestions, assigning homework, and helping clients stay motivated.
1. How to Work With a Talk-Based Sex Coach
In talk-based sex coaching, the client comes to the practitioner with a problem. The coach may ask the client to fill out an intake form, then meet in-person, over the phone, or via video chat for an initial session.
During the session, the coach will ask about the client’s challenges and goals. From there, they work to develop a coaching plan, with steps to address the issue. At each subsequent meeting, the client talks with their coach about which parts of the plan they’ve accomplished, or where they feel stuck.
The coach may also assign homework for clients to complete. For example, they may offer suggestions to couples, such as watching a video and practicing the kinds of sensual touch they see in it.
Talk coaches do not typically have physical contact beyond hugs or handshakes. A coach may offer emotional support by placing a hand on their client’s back or arm when needed, but this is usually the extent of touch in a talk coaching session.
2. How to Work With an Experiential Sex Coach
Experiential sex coaching is where the coach takes a more interactive approach. It generally begins the same way as talk-based coaching. But an experiential coach guides their client through real-world, practical exercises. These are designed to help you feel more comfortable and open with your body, sexuality, and intimacy.
At the same time, experiential sex coaches know that just talking is often not enough to learn new skills – clients must practice. This may be verbal or include touch, but usually incorporates exercises like sharing feelings or sexual energy.
The Somatica Method is a leading experiential sex coaching approach that helps clients learn to be more sensual and lead more fulfilling lives. See how it can improve your — and your clients’ — sexual wellbeing.
3. How to Work with a Hands-On Sex Coach
A subcategory of experiential sex coaching is hands-on coaching. Here, the practitioner brings in physical touch to help their client learn how to be more sensual or a more physically-attuned lover.
For example, they may teach their client better touch practices through mutual touch. They may then give guidance and feedback about how to touch and connect in a more sensual way. In addition, sex coaches provide opportunities for hands-on practice of new techniques and offer real-time feedback.
Watch a hands-on coach at work (or enjoy the rest of these videos in the Somatica Sessions series).
How Do You Choose the Right Sex Coach?
When choosing a coach, remember that deciding on the correct approach is personal.
Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Identify the coaching style you prefer. Listen to your body as you read the descriptions of the different types of sex coaches. Imagine talking with your coach, then doing homework. Now imagine practicing experiential exercises or learning how to give or receive sensual touch with your coach. Which one sounds most in alignment with your personality and needs?
- List out key characteristics. Consider whether a coach of a particular gender, sexual identity, race, or other shared experience is a priority to you.
- Explore your options. The only way to find the best fit is by chatting with prospective coaches and seeing how they make you feel. Use our Find a Sex Coach Near You and By Specialization sex coach directories to book a session with a coach. You can also search for female, male or non-binary coaches. If you have a busy schedule or live remotely, most coaches are also available via online video portals.
How Do You Become a Sex Coach?
There are certain qualities that successful sex coaches share:
- They are comfortable talking openly about sex.
- They believe the wide variety of sexual desires should be celebrated – not shamed.
- They are able to empathize with other people’s experiences and feel comfortable guiding them.
- They love connecting with people and have a desire to help others grow and learn.
What Are the Educational and Licensing Requirements?
Unlike sex therapists, sex coaches don’t have to obtain additional degrees or complete internship hours. They only need to attend a training program (ideally provided by a certified and accredited institution), then complete their certification pathway.
Learn more about Somatica’s sex coach certification process.
How Do You Find the Right Training Program?
Are you ready to start the career of your dreams? Here’s how to get started.
- Figure out what coaching style best suits you. Are you more interested in being a talk sex coach, or a hands-on or experiential sex coach?
- Research different programs and see which ones align best with your philosophy of helping people. Do you believe people learn better by doing than just talking? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable having them practice (within boundaries) with you? Do you care about accreditation? Or whether the program is backed by a solid set of foundational and scientifically-proven philosophies?
- Review their certification pathway. Certification is a crucial indicator of the reputation and authenticity of any program. It also ensures you are well-versed in the tools you’ve learned before you start seeing clients.
- Check out the business support they offer. Even the best coaches may struggle if they don’t know how to market their business. Prioritize coaching programs that teach students how to run a successful practice and get clients.
- Apply to your chosen program and make sure the tuition fits your budget. Some educational institutions — like Somatica Institute — offer scholarship funds and other discounts.
One of the best ways to kickstart your career as a sex coach is by learning from the best. Check out Somatica’s sex and relationship coach certification training.
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